The mystery surrounding the loss of top strikers Wayne Rooney's form was smashed last night by our roving reporter the Hepster, the English hotshot told the current FE6 champ " When Colleen and I spent a night in the experts company last Christmas we knew Seghill was the place for us. The Coms, the bottom park, the Welfare and of course the Station Shop's sausage rolls! He told the Hepster " Well Colleeen just happened to stumble across a lovely 3 bed ex council in Blaketown and in we moved last January. Rooney commuted to Old Trafford via helicopter under the cover of darkness, landing just behind the Rugby Club to keep his secret closely guarded. However his love of the Station shop's sasuage rolls played havoc with his waistline, leading to a dramatic slump in form and fitness. Here we see the pint sized marksman last week, with a pack of three of the station shops finest ready for lunch. Rumours that Paul Scholes is lobbying for free steak pies at the Spar are yet to be confirmed.
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